After searching and struggling, and struggling and searching, the search and struggle become a shuffle and dance, and with these words I prance into the midnight, not knowing whether to stop or go or too and fro...
I love drugs. I would like to send a positive message out to the children about proper drug use, but it becomes lost in the haze when coupled with all of the bad choices and spurrious lifestyle that can come with drug abuse. I was in Narcotics Anonymous for seven years after 15 years of using drugs. I was a lost soul when I found NA and I believed it was because of the drugs for many years. What I was really looking for was guidance and self love, but when you use drugs its hard to find anything in reality.
I learned later that it dates back to the bible the idea of taking a vow of abstinence from things that draw you downward. In the Gemara it is called Nazirus, and so I was a Nazurite for seven years of my life. It was truly helpful to me, the meetings and the comrodary, and I may have still been there today if my life hadn't lacked something that I could not see without the use of drugs. I am not saying lightning or gravity changed my life, but it did.
I am not using drugs right now but that is only because I am on probation for misdemeanor possession of marijuana, and I can say that I truly was possessed. I became an animal on drugs once I started using them again, mainly because it had been seven years outside of the lifestyle. Once accustomed though, my life settled down quite a bit. The city government actually legalized, or decriminalized the use of pot in my district, so now, once I am off probation, I am kind of looking forward to smoking weed again, I even qualify for the medical marijuana card because of my arthritis. Yet I don't truly know if it is a good idea for me to smoke again, even though I crave it.
As for other drugs, I think experimentation can be a positive thing, yet it can also be very dangerous. There is the possibility of never coming back from too much experimentation with drugs, and I feel kids today get involved with drugs at too early of an age. Yet these children learn from the leaders of the community like myself, so what else are they to think but that drugs are a positive endeavor. The key is that drugs are not a positive endeavor, they draw on the dark side of the natural forces of the universe, something that children do not need to delve into when they are 12 and 13. Children need the light forces of the universe until much later in their life. They need to be nurtured and thrive in the good and positive things in their lives, until they reach the point of self exploration and utter darkness that drugs can manifest.
There would be some people who would say that there is no need for any darkness in life, that life should be full of light all the time, yet that is not the nature of the universe. In order to thrive within the universe and the world, a man must delve into the darker powers and forces that exist here. The world is awash in darkness, that if not handled properly, can overwhelm the individual and send them to an early grave. The heavenly light of the godly power is here to help individuals realize and enliven their brains to the idea that there are other energies in the world beside what lies beneath their own power. If not tempered by the darkness however, these holy lights can lead to a life of endless desperation and futility. Balance is what is needed, and learned over time, by all men.
On my own path, I am quite happy to live without drugs right now, yet I feel the need to search more into my wild side, and ponder the questions I have lived with since my youth. If I am a virile man, why is it I am limited by the people surrounding me? I know they have the best interests of everyone at heart, but why is it that I cannot logically slip the bonds of sanity without cause destruction? And...If I am to live a happy life on this planet, with all my faculties in check, how can I increase my lust for life and satisfaction that should come naturally, yet I have to work diligently to keep my spirits aloft and keep reaching for greater accomplishments?
